Even though I cooked a beautiful dinner of grilled chicken with mango chutney, a vegetable medley of grilled asparagus, portabello mushrooms, and red bell pepper, and sweet potato baked french fries to be eaten in the lovely 70 degree fall weather on our back porch, for some reason, you had a bug up your ass and screamed for two hours straight. This led me to drink 3 glasses of wine and find it very difficult to restrain myself from shot-putting you off the deck.
Usually, you are a pretty happy baby. You are typically content to bounce face down across my knees while we eat dinner or to sit in your bouncy seat and admire the way we chew our food with actual teeth. Don't be too envious, teeth are overrated. All the flossing and whitening is very time consuming. You don't need teeth to eat ice cream. Plus, you bite pretty damn hard with only gums.
Please be more considerate in the future. After all, you are 3 1/2 months old now. And now that I think about it, what the heck are you so pissy about anyway? Someday, when I am old and decrepit, I will poop in diapers, subsist on a liquid diet, be wheeled around, and I fully expect it to be awesome. So please, enjoy the ride while it lasts and let us eat our dinners in peace. You won't see diapers and strollers again for another 80 or so years.
Love,
Mommy
PS. I wrote this last night and didn't post it because I wasn't sure exactly how those 3 glasses of wine affected my writing. Now that I reread it, I feel kinda bad about wanting to shot-put you off the deck, especially since you are particularly smiley this morning. So, to make up for it, here is some video of you being all cute.
After watching this video, you may mistakenly conclude that I have a lung disorder which causes me to audibly inhale deeply after finishing a sentence. Uhh, yeah, that's it. I have a lung disorder.
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11 comments:
Well, since you clearly have a lung disorder and an alcohol problem, you need to drop-shoot that baby Ella my way! I'll take her! She's absolutely, totally adorable. What a cutie pie. :o)
I loved the video. Loved it!
You WROTE the video? Wha?
Are you sure you weren't drinking when you WROTE this entry?
*zing*
LMAO...chuckled all the way through. 3 glasses of wine, girl, you handle it just like I woulda!
That video, even with the references to explosive poopsies, gives me major baby fever. Majorly. She is too cute to be allowed.
Haha! You caught me. I fixed it though. :} Now I wish I was drinking.
She is too cute.
Oh I remember the days of screaming for two hours. My little guy was a crank pot. And I want to do that baby thing all over again, why?
I must be crazy.
She is so beautiful!! Both of my girls had colic and the only time they would smile was after pooping or puking. Those were the days...
By the way, what part of NJ were you from? I lived in the Northwest part (Hackettstown) for about 4 years prior to leaving my ass of an ex!
Hahahha. I've wanted to shot put my kids plenty of times. I wouldn't actually do it though so there's no need to turn me in. When Graham was little, we used to threaten to put him in the microwave and once he outgrew the microwave we told him we would find something bigger to stuff him in. Then I read an article about someone who actually DID THAT and I felt like ass. The kid didn't know what we were saying, calm down!
OMG, that was hilarious. You've said what I've thought so many times. Why do they always have a 2 hour hissy fit when we finally have something nice to eat... or do!!
Super cute adorable baby, hissy fit and all.
Adorable video!! Do you talk to Lennie in that voice too?
You are SO making that meal... when you come visit. ;)
How cute is she? Shame on you for wanting to punt her, you are not the football player in the family.
Anyway, that gave me an idea about a video I have and can post. I'll give you credit, promise.
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