He was all "Whataya mean, karma?"
I said, "He dumped his pregnant girlfriend for the
"If that held true, half the players in the NFL would have knee injuries"
"Half of them do...so...what did you do to deserve your shoulder injury?"
"It's not karma. It was your fucking voodoo doll."
Touche.
The other thing on my mind was the diminishing size of my husband. Lennie has been done with football for 10 days. Ten days. 10 days, and the rat bastard has already lost 18 pounds. 18 pounds in 10 days! Since I've been going to the gym for the last 7 weeks, I've gained a pound. What the hell is with that?
Ok, so yeah, he sat there stoically at Champs on Sunday as I ordered his favorite dessert (chocolate chip cookie a la mode, thank you very much). I didn't anticipate that the cookie would be approximately the size of a pizza. Seriously, it was like one of those giant mall cookies smothered in ice cream. Thank God the waitress brought two spoons, because otherwise that would have just been embarrassing. It's like they're saving face for you by bringing the extra spoon. "Here's an extra spoon for you because nobody could possibly eat that entire dessert by themselves *wink wink*"
I even scooped him a piece with his very own spoon and waved it in front of him. The man was a rock. Damn it.
So, maybe that's the secret to losing weight: willpower. If that's so, then I'm shit outta luck.
Oh, wait, isn't this a "Mommy blog?" Babies Babies Babies.
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7 comments:
Does eating a cheesecake brownie for breakfast with a glass of milk count as willpower?
If not, then I am SOL as well.
Screw willpower. Gonna die someday, may as well die happy. And fat. Says the dieting/running freak.
So anyway, funny about the Tom Brady thing. I came home and Not Matt Damon was all: Oh You are going to be SO HAPPY! Tom Brady's out for the season.
And I was all: Yup, someone upstairs isn't too happy with the Brady Man for leaving a pregnant girlfriend.
I felt bad for thinkin' it. I feel better knowin' I wasn't alone in my evilness.
Men suck in the weight loss arena. They can shit 10 pounds after one lousy meal. Us women just get bloated and constipated, which in turn forces us to eat more and more for days until we finally shit a proud pebble.
UGH.
That IS funny about Tom Brady. And the very first game, ha!
I would have totally gone for the cookie sundae too but I would have confiscated the extra spoon for myself.
HA! I have wondered aloud with my bff if I could be THE ONE person who could use meth, lose the weight, and viola! quit the meth without a look back over my gorgeous size nothing behind. Then my bff points out that if I had the willpower to kick meth, why can't I just say NO to pasta? brownies? Heck, I can't even turn down a Vitamin Water.
rats. It seemed like such a good idea, too.
heh. Karma, she does have a nasty bite. Although, it IS wise to keep a voodoo doll handy, you know, just in case ...
I have about eight months to lose 20 pounds. (Wish I could blame it on a baby.) So no giant chocolate cookie a la mode? Check. I also like your wearing the same workout clothes idea. Cakey b.o. = motivation.
maybe Tom Brady's baby-mama got her own voodoo doll - I would have!! ha - your writing cracks me up!
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