I need more beer and wings

I am one of those people who occasionally laughs so hard that strangers wonder if I am having a fit. I cry almost every time I laugh, and every now and then I totally lose it and weep until dehydration and exhaustion set in.

I remember this time on spring break (it's not a girls gone wild story. Sorry, pervs) when my friend and I ended up in this dive biker bar. We were the youngest ones there by a good 15 years and possibly the only ones with a full set of teeth. (No, we did not take spring break in West Virginia that year.) We were sitting at a table enjoying our 10 cent wings, pitcher of cheap beer and minding our own damn business when one of the finest patrons at the establishment stumbled over to us. He clearly had to lean on the table to keep from falling down and was rocking the tee-shirt with the sleeves cut off so that we could all enjoy his shoulder and arm-pit hair. He leaned in ultra close to my friend. So close that I would have been reclining backwards at a 45 degree angle and sliding under the table, but my friend, unlike me, is the queen of cool. She sat there, pleasant and totally calm while Mr. I Don't Own Dental Floss asked her to dance. She looked really disappointed and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I can't. I have prosthetic limbs."

At this point, I accidentally inhaled a mouthful of beer directly into my lungs, snorted, coughed, and then dissolved into a laugh seizure. I was doing the 'silent shake' laugh, trying my best to maintain composure until the the guy left (don't feel too bad for him, I really don't think he: {A} got it or {B} remembers it). And once he said, "Bummer" and stumbled off, the tears began to flow. I don't know how I managed to stay in my chair with all the convulsions and I'm actually kind of pissed nobody called 911. If we were judging by appearances, I could have been dying.

Man, I am due for one of those.

On a totally unrelated topic, I will be MIA for a couple days. We are heading to the mountains of NC for log cabin fun. According to Lennie, we are staying "Off the beaten path." If you don't hear from me by Monday night, send search and rescue. If I do die this weekend, I hope it's because I had a fit of laughter and fell off a cliff, and not because an escaped mental patient with a hook for a hand finds our cabin in the woods.