I swear I didn't do it

Although I am kind of glad someone did. This, my friends, is all that remains of our Butler and her Hell Demon Spawn.

Don't hate me, animal lovers. For all my talk, I really am a big softy at heart. I'm the person who had a slight nervous breakdown after running over a squirrel, remember? The only living things I really get excited about killing are mosquitoes (and gnats....and flies...and fruit flies) mostly because it takes some luck to catch a mosquito red handed sucking on your arm, and I have mad skills with the dish towel vs fly scenario. Oh, and there was that time that the humongous Bumblebee flew inside the screened porch and I trapped it inside the plastic keg cup with full intentions of releasing it outside. But then I couldn't slip the newspaper over the opening of the cup quick enough because every time I tilted the cup, the giant Bumblebee was right there ready to attack me and buzzing really menacingly. And my panic was growing as I could feel the surprisingly heavy Bumblebee throwing itself against the cup like it was trying to burst through the plastic. And so I started screaming, "LENNIE HELP ME! GET THE RAID, GET THE RAID!" And Lennie came running out into the backyard with a can of Raid, aimed it directly into the cup, and right through the screen, sprayed the shit out of that Bumblebee. I was ecstatic. BOOYA, Humans win again! But that feeling was short-lived as the buzzing got weaker and weaker, and the Bumblebee didn't seem to be hurling itself at the cup anymore. Then, I just felt like a big human piece of crap stomping all over nature. Yet, I can sleep at night because it was either the Bumblebee or me, and that's how nature is. But, I digress.

In the case of the Butler, I'm not even guilty by proxy. I didn't call the Pest Control guys, ask Lennie to call them, nor did I instruct them to squash the Butler once they got here. However, I admit that I now have a small crush on Dan from the Pest Control company for his bravery and the panache with which he wields his big long stick (insert big stick joke here).

And since Susan was sadistic thoughtful enough to provide a link to a website which gave me all sorts of useful information on our Butler (a Golden Garden spider, I now know), I will sleep easier knowing that the Hell Demon Spawn will not be growing in that egg sac all winter long and "dispersing" in the spring.

So, while I have mixed feelings about the actual squashing of the Butler, I can't deny it: I'm glad she's dead. And, I'm really glad her babies are dead. And, I'm really really glad it wasn't me.