The other night, I was scarfing down my dinner in a big hurry because I was running late. As I rushed out the door, I did a quick "do I have anything in my teeth?" grimace into the mirror. Let's just say it's a good thing I did. I had a big honkin piece of something stuck right between my two front teeth. If I didn't bite all my nails off after watching 7 DVR'd episodes of a 'Ghost Hunters' marathon, I might have been able to get it out. By the way, I am addicted to that show now. If you've never seen it, it's basically a bunch of Roto Rooter guys (yes, they're plumbers - I suppose they are used to seeing a lot of creepy shit. HA! Did you see what I did there? You love it.) who go to places that people think are haunted with all their scientific equipment and try to catch evidence of paranormal activity. I love this show. Stop laughing.
Lennie is especially thrilled when he's trying to read The Wall Street Journal or The Economist or one of his finance textbooks, and I'm watching Ghost Hunters and I keep pausing and rewinding to see the ghost they caught on video, and shouting, "LENNIE, you HAVE to watch this!" And, he'll peer over the top of his newspaper in the Dick Cheneyist way possible, and say "Mmmmhmm." And, I'm all like "Did you see the ghost? Here, watch it again." But the key to any good marriage is balance: I now know more about finance reports, valuation and devaluation, opportunity potential, asset management, etc than I ever really wanted to, and most of my "lessons" come while I'm cooking dinner and balancing a cranky baby on my hip, or reading a book, or trying to watch Ghost Hunters.
But, back to the point. So, my stubby chewed-off nails didn't work, I only pushed the wad of food wad deeper. I tried to force a stream of spit through my teeth to push the food wad out , but only succeeding in spitting all over the mirror, and then, a stroke of genius: I have long hair, hmmm. Hair is kind of like floss... it just might work. So, as disgusting as it may be, I was desperate, I was late, so I flossed with my hair. It would have been a great plan if only my hair hadn't snapped in half and curled up like gift wrap ribbon.
Pop Quiz Time:
Q: What's worse than having a wad of food stuck between your two front teeth?
A: Having a black curly hair stuck between your two front teeth.
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11 comments:
gack.
this made me laugh and have the heebie-jeebies all at once!
you are so effing funny. Just thought you should know!
ACK! lol.. yes I think dental floss is the way to go from now on! lol
Oh girl...you think Ghost Hunters is good, you should watch "A Haunting." I think that is on Discovery Channel. That is more of a reinactment of ghost hauntings, but it scares the crap out of me.
Then there is this group of Penn State kids that hunt ghosts as well. They have a show called "Paranormal State" on A&E. I think Monday nights. Just as good as Ghost Hunters, if not better.
My husband always grabs the remote from me when I am watching those shows and changes it to something lame like MSNBC or CNN or Fox News. Then I feel really dumb.
You my dear sis-in-law are disgusting!
LMAO....OH MY.....
Hehehe. As I was reading this, I thought "maybe I should tell her to use a strand of hair". I did that today when the floss was in the hall closet and getting it might have woken up my napping kids. Bravo, bravo.
BTW, in my case, the hair didn't snap off and make it look like I was giving favors in the men's room. My hair stood up to the test. Use a business card too. I'm so gross.
That is so nasty. And while I don't watch Ghost Hunters, I'm totally with you about a black curly hair in my teeth. Quite un attractive. Ew.
Ok, You are funny, brutally honest and a talented painter? Hope you don't mind if I follow along from Canada for a while!
ROFLMAO! I can't believe I am admitting this but I have used my hair in a pinch. It is sad and gross.
I hadn't thought of recording Ghost Hunters to rewind and see the ghosts better. You learn something new every day. Too bad it was this and not that.
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