Oh what a lovely week it's been. I'll spare all the charming details and just share a few of my thoughts.
To all the husbands of the world, when the dishwasher explodes and the kitchen becomes Lake Lanier, and your wife calls you? She is not calling for advice or recommendations of any kind. She already knows to soak up the water with towels and call a repairman. She is calling to scream at you and mock your suggestions. These are the facts of life.
To all the children of the world, when your Mommy tells you to go play outside, that is code for, "You are so far up my ass that you're coming out my nose. Go away and give me 5 minutes of peace and quiet FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" I like to think of Chris Farley screaming out that last part. Also, standing on the deck, peering into the back door with your hands cupped around your eyes like goggles, for an hour doesn't count as "playing" outside.
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7 comments:
I am currently suffering from a severe case of "The Rag's got me in a Rage" at the moment that sounds a lot like this. I just took half a Lexapro, so we'll see how that goes. The alternative is binge drinking for the next four days, so hopefully it'll work.
OMG, I SO understand what you're saying. Mine is too little to send outside, so these days I just turn on the boob tube and find Mickey Mouse. It works and gives me a few minutes to lock myself in the bathroom! Thanks for the Chris Farley clip, just what I needed today!
Oh, I soooo hear you. I am on a rampage because I can't take hearing "Mommy, come HERE" 9,244 times each day. It's my next post.
Seriously.
The funniest shit is my husband recorded the number of times it was said in a fifteen minute increment.
And while 9,244 is slightly exaggerated, it comes out to almost 360 times on a day with no school.
Oh.my.friggin.lord.
Oh, I soooo hear you. I am on a rampage because I can't take hearing "Mommy, come HERE" 9,244 times each day. It's my next post.
Seriously.
The funniest shit is my husband recorded the number of times it was said in a fifteen minute increment.
And while 9,244 is slightly exaggerated, it comes out to almost 360 times on a day with no school.
Oh.my.friggin.lord.
Oh god. The suggestions. I fucking hate the Husbandly Suggestion. Especially when it's correct and/or useful.
And I hear you about the kids being up the rear. I would never hurt my child but I have come thisclose to holding a pillow over my own face the last two days. Potty training is a bitch and a half.
Ha ha
Sorry about your dishwasher but love the Chris Farley clip!
I wonder how onl the kids have to be before they understand the Mommy code?
great post :)
I'll trade you kids for a week if you want? I would kill for a kid who stands still and cups his hand and stares at nothing.
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